SCREAMS
Screams would never have become what it is today without the aide of Mr. Russ Sharkey taking the simple idea of language barriers to the next level. It all came about one glorious day back in July when Miss Susan Cho was living in San Francisco and working at a little company known as Lucky Money, Inc. (not to be confused with Rucky Money). (Unless you're like me and can't differentiate between consonants when talking to a woman or child, due to the high-pitched frequency of consonants and women and children's voices).
Susan found herself in quite the conundrum one morning, being the recipient of a disclaimer letter from one of the tenants of a property owned by Lucky Money’s big daddy. The tenant was nervous about being charged for some damage to the space and wanted to opt out of any responsibility. Due to the difficulty translating Tagalog to English apparently presents, the letter reads as follows, including Susan’s helpful explanatory introduction and appalled reaction:
---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Susan Cho
Date: Fri, Jul 9, 2010 at 10:01 AM
Subject: Re: Things that make you hate people
To: DK, DT, me, RS, MT, DH, AH
You guys.
So, at this fucking hell hole I call work, the patriarch of the company owns all these properties, and one of the properties, has this woman who like. complains about everything (I mean, most of her complaints are legit. The house was empty for like 2 years, so when she moved in there were a lot of issues), but recently, she asked about the deck screen doors, and emailed me about how someone went to the house and put an old scream on the back slide door, took the scream off an old scream and put it on our frame..etc ..
I'm not kidding you. back screams.
here is a copy of her email, cause I can't MAKE this shit up: Hi Susan,
I wanted you to know that Joseph or Joe what ever that guys name you fix things around the house.Put an old scream on the back slide door that had holes in it.He packed the holes up with clear tape. My daughter said he took the scream off an old scream and put it on our frame.I'm bringing this to your attention so when ever I move I will not be charged for the holes.I will send you a photo of the scream when I have the time.I'm in and out of town this month for my son's appearance's with his agencies and managers, and just haven't had the time.So as soon as I kind, I will differently send you a photo for my record.It's okay about the scream however I don't want to be held accountable for it.also I would have gotten
in touch with you sooner but I've been very busy
Sooooo.. of course I get a call from her this morning about the showerhead needs to be replaced/fixed because when she gets in, it splashes water. The showerhead fuckign splashes water against her.
I left her this really snarky email about how it might be like a blind spot in a car, where its not fixable, and maybe she shoudl step away and turn the showerhead.
I'm not in the mood for this shit.
Does anyone want to go to LA for a week?
[End Message]
------------------
Man, this is the stuff that keeps me young. Soon thereafter, Russ started incorporating the idea of back screams into our daily email chain. We didn’t all catch on right away, it took Russ some work and capitalizing of letters to get our slow-on-the-uptake-asses to jump on the SCREAMS train, but he did it. He really did it. This is how:
RS to SC, DK, DT, me, MT, DH, AH
show details Jul 9
My roommate has been opening windows and not putting screams in them so there are some flies that might not be there if there were screams. It's crazy how screams really make a big difference.
Yes, I want to go to LA for a week. I can't, though, because I have to not fix computer problems but check facebook every 3 seconds to see who has made an update or if anyone made a scrabble move. Speaking of which, if any of you play scrabble on facebook, you'd better scream a game with me. I mean, start a game with me. SCREAMS!
Vagina.
- Show quoted text -
RS to SC, DK, DT, me, MT, DH, AH
show details Jul 9
I want this for my birthday. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wouG4GpL1-I
- Show quoted text –
SC to RS, DK, DT, me, MT, DH, AH
show details Jul 9
That is easily the scariest thing i've ever seen...
- Show quoted text -
RS to SC, DK, DT, me, MT, DH, AH
show details Jul 9
SCREAMS!
- Show quoted text -
It took another six emails in the chain to do it, but finally one Mr. David Tousley got the right idea. You're right. It's not that David Tousley. It's this one!
DT, to DK, SC, MT, me, RS, DH, AH
show details Jul 9
That totally blows Danny : ( I pointed out some SHADY marketing practices that atre is making me pull and my manager said, "Well, you know where the door is."
-Screams!
- Show quoted text -
Although the chain got up to 60 messages that day, not one other mention of SCREAMS was made. Russ knew he was onto something with this though, and he knew David wasn't far behind. Luckily, it took only a couple of days to get everyone else on board, and now it's just...well, it's just one of those things you say. The context really has no boundaries:
RS to AH, DK, MT, DH, SC, me, LP, DT
show details Aug 12
This whole situation is the most amazing goddamn thing to ever happen to Antoine Dodson. While I was just listening to this BLASTING on my headphones, two guys came up to my desk to talk to me so I pulled my headphones out of the computer and the song started blasting out of the speakers. One of the guys immediately knew exactly what it was.
I picked up my sisters at the airport last night. Tomorrow morning I'm dropping my boyfriend off at the airport. Saturday I'm picking up my cousin at the airport. Sunday I have to drop my cousin and sisters off at the airport. AIRPORT SCREAMS.
Obviously we have a rapist in Lincoln Park {ARE YOU SERIOUS?!}.
They're rapin' erybody out there.
- Show quoted text -
And now that it's started, it hasn't stopped:
SC to RS, DK, me, DT, AH, MT, DH
show details Aug 18
BARF SCREAMS!
- Show quoted text -
me to RS, DK, DT, SC, DH, LP, AH, MT
show details Aug 25
It feels like it should be Friday and a long weekend, dammit! GHA! Tired bored SCREAMS!
- Show quoted text -
RS to SC, DK, me, DT, DH, LP, AH, MT
show details Aug 25
I've been at work since 7:30 and took two 15 minute breaks. Otherwise I'm actually working. WTF???????? TIRED BORED HUNG OVER HOT GREASY FACE SCREAMS.
- Show quoted text -
You get the idea. So go ahead. Try it out. You know you want to.
More examples:
FATTY SCREAMS! -me
brain melt SCREAMS! -DK
made myself some ravioli with spicy sore throat SCREAMS sauce -RS
Natural disaster SCREAMS! -DK
I mean, Luna Park DID treat us right. Here are the other places I know have bottomless things:
Uva Enoteca (belinnis)
Lime (ugh)
Circa (marina SCREAMS) -LP
Bowel movement SCREAMS! Too much coffee. -RS
Nailed it, Russ Sharkey. Nailed it.
SCREAMS:
A way of punching up your expression of frustration, excitement, or any other given emotion. Also, the mispronunciation of that thing that covers the window to keep bugs out.
Susan found herself in quite the conundrum one morning, being the recipient of a disclaimer letter from one of the tenants of a property owned by Lucky Money’s big daddy. The tenant was nervous about being charged for some damage to the space and wanted to opt out of any responsibility. Due to the difficulty translating Tagalog to English apparently presents, the letter reads as follows, including Susan’s helpful explanatory introduction and appalled reaction:
---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Susan Cho
Date: Fri, Jul 9, 2010 at 10:01 AM
Subject: Re: Things that make you hate people
To: DK, DT, me, RS, MT, DH, AH
You guys.
So, at this fucking hell hole I call work, the patriarch of the company owns all these properties, and one of the properties, has this woman who like. complains about everything (I mean, most of her complaints are legit. The house was empty for like 2 years, so when she moved in there were a lot of issues), but recently, she asked about the deck screen doors, and emailed me about how someone went to the house and put an old scream on the back slide door, took the scream off an old scream and put it on our frame..etc ..
I'm not kidding you. back screams.
here is a copy of her email, cause I can't MAKE this shit up: Hi Susan,
I wanted you to know that Joseph or Joe what ever that guys name you fix things around the house.Put an old scream on the back slide door that had holes in it.He packed the holes up with clear tape. My daughter said he took the scream off an old scream and put it on our frame.I'm bringing this to your attention so when ever I move I will not be charged for the holes.I will send you a photo of the scream when I have the time.I'm in and out of town this month for my son's appearance's with his agencies and managers, and just haven't had the time.So as soon as I kind, I will differently send you a photo for my record.It's okay about the scream however I don't want to be held accountable for it.also I would have gotten
in touch with you sooner but I've been very busy
Sooooo.. of course I get a call from her this morning about the showerhead needs to be replaced/fixed because when she gets in, it splashes water. The showerhead fuckign splashes water against her.
I left her this really snarky email about how it might be like a blind spot in a car, where its not fixable, and maybe she shoudl step away and turn the showerhead.
I'm not in the mood for this shit.
Does anyone want to go to LA for a week?
[End Message]
------------------
RS to SC, DK, DT, me, MT, DH, AH
show details Jul 9
My roommate has been opening windows and not putting screams in them so there are some flies that might not be there if there were screams. It's crazy how screams really make a big difference.
Yes, I want to go to LA for a week. I can't, though, because I have to not fix computer problems but check facebook every 3 seconds to see who has made an update or if anyone made a scrabble move. Speaking of which, if any of you play scrabble on facebook, you'd better scream a game with me. I mean, start a game with me. SCREAMS!
Vagina.
- Show quoted text -
RS to SC, DK, DT, me, MT, DH, AH
show details Jul 9
I want this for my birthday. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wouG4GpL1-I
- Show quoted text –
SC to RS, DK, DT, me, MT, DH, AH
show details Jul 9
That is easily the scariest thing i've ever seen...
- Show quoted text -
RS to SC, DK, DT, me, MT, DH, AH
show details Jul 9
SCREAMS!
- Show quoted text -
It took another six emails in the chain to do it, but finally one Mr. David Tousley got the right idea. You're right. It's not that David Tousley. It's this one!
DT, to DK, SC, MT, me, RS, DH, AH
show details Jul 9
That totally blows Danny : ( I pointed out some SHADY marketing practices that atre is making me pull and my manager said, "Well, you know where the door is."
-Screams!
Although the chain got up to 60 messages that day, not one other mention of SCREAMS was made. Russ knew he was onto something with this though, and he knew David wasn't far behind. Luckily, it took only a couple of days to get everyone else on board, and now it's just...well, it's just one of those things you say. The context really has no boundaries:
RS to AH, DK, MT, DH, SC, me, LP, DT
show details Aug 12
This whole situation is the most amazing goddamn thing to ever happen to Antoine Dodson. While I was just listening to this BLASTING on my headphones, two guys came up to my desk to talk to me so I pulled my headphones out of the computer and the song started blasting out of the speakers. One of the guys immediately knew exactly what it was.
I picked up my sisters at the airport last night. Tomorrow morning I'm dropping my boyfriend off at the airport. Saturday I'm picking up my cousin at the airport. Sunday I have to drop my cousin and sisters off at the airport. AIRPORT SCREAMS.
Obviously we have a rapist in Lincoln Park {ARE YOU SERIOUS?!}.
They're rapin' erybody out there.
- Show quoted text -
And now that it's started, it hasn't stopped:
SC to RS, DK, me, DT, AH, MT, DH
show details Aug 18
BARF SCREAMS!
- Show quoted text -
me to RS, DK, DT, SC, DH, LP, AH, MT
show details Aug 25
It feels like it should be Friday and a long weekend, dammit! GHA! Tired bored SCREAMS!
- Show quoted text -
RS to SC, DK, me, DT, DH, LP, AH, MT
show details Aug 25
I've been at work since 7:30 and took two 15 minute breaks. Otherwise I'm actually working. WTF???????? TIRED BORED HUNG OVER HOT GREASY FACE SCREAMS.
- Show quoted text -
You get the idea. So go ahead. Try it out. You know you want to.
More examples:
FATTY SCREAMS! -me
brain melt SCREAMS! -DK
made myself some ravioli with spicy sore throat SCREAMS sauce -RS
Natural disaster SCREAMS! -DK
I mean, Luna Park DID treat us right. Here are the other places I know have bottomless things:
Uva Enoteca (belinnis)
Lime (ugh)
Circa (marina SCREAMS) -LP
Bowel movement SCREAMS! Too much coffee. -RS
Nailed it, Russ Sharkey. Nailed it.
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