It all started when the Diverse Friendship Tribe finally started to accept the reality that two of its most treasured members, Danny and Dave, were relocating to the concrete jungle called New York City. As their move date grew closer and closer, we actually started believing this story that they were going to pack up the car and take the southern route across the country, stopping in L.A. and Vegas before heading straight to Arizona.
It was around all this Arizona talk that we really began to take this whole thing seriously. And we couldn’t beat ‘em, so we joined ‘em. We worked out a weekend in glamorous Anaheim during their L.A. stay. (I mean, you can’t leave California without having one last California Adventure. Topless. But that’s another story.) We made sure they knew to play KITTY GLITTERRRRRRRRRR (and say it like that) when they went to Vegas to get Oprah Rich. But when it came to heading straight to Arizona, not many of us had anything to offer. The Grand Canyon? No-brainer. Corona party? Naturally. But they were going to Sedona. Where’s that?
Luckily, Amanda “La Huff” Huffman, the world-travelin’ sonofabitch she is, knows exactly where Sedona is and wasn’t afraid to show it. Without her, we would know nothing of this famed attraction that draws people to Sedona…this thing that was destined to become a much more polite way to speak of taking a dump. The Vortex of Feminine Energy.
Danny and Dave did pack up their car. They did make it to L.A. for aforementioned glamorous Anaheim weekend. During that weekend, the Vortex of Feminine Energy was spoken of quite a bit. And somewhere during all the madness that inevitably comes with four 30-something assholes being ridiculous at Disneyland, the Vortex of Feminine Energy became another term for the bathroom. But only for doing a #2. Then, it just became easier to speak of how much of a priority a bathroom break was by rating it in terms of level of femininity felt. So if one of us was feelin' reallllllll feminine, we knew we were in for a good 5-minute break. In addition to doing a great job of utilizing the FastPass system, I believe we also found the most efficient Vortex of Feminine Energy at Disneyland. We found it to be in the House of Blues at Downtown Disney. After that happy hour, we had all felt so feminine, we were ready to take on our remaining six hours of topless roller coaster photos and other unintentional attempts to be tossed from the Happiest Place on Earth. Somehow, all that feminine energy must have been protecting us that day. So, we kept it. Below, you’ll see the progression of how it came to become a part of our lives, how naturally and easily it rolls itself on out. The phrase, I mean. Honorable mentions to Danny Krueger and Susan Cho for being so very open on how feminine they're feeling at any given time. You’ll see.
Sorry guys. We’re just kind of gross. It’s because we’re just close.
Amanda Huffman to susancho78, Danny, me, Mercedes
show details Sep 8
Disney scavenger hunt sounds so fun though!
Danny while you're in Sedona you should go see an energist, or get your aura photographed. Or go the the vortex of feminine energy (where I took a dump). Also, there is a really cool natural rock slide in the river and Anaszi Indian ruins built into the cliffs.
Susan, how are you liking the new job? I know its only been a day, but...spill!
- Show quoted text –
Danny Krueger to Amanda, susancho78, me, Mercedes
show details Sep 8
ooooh, I wanna go on a natural rock slide in the river! I been on one of those before, it's so fun! Do you remember where it was?
I also want to take a dump at the vortex of feminine energy. I'm kind of excited about Sedona, actually, it looks beautiful. If you remember any other cool stuff to do there, let me know!
No, Susan, I didn't talk to Mandy about the handjobs yet. I'm waiting for the Palm lady to confirm that it's 100% definite, she said she'd know today. I told Dave if I made a lot of money, I'd get us two nights in a fancy hotel in Savannah to celebrate!
- Show quoted text –
susancho78@gmail.com to Danny, Amanda, me, Mercedes
show details Sep 8
Ohmega. I totes want to take a dump at the vortex of feminine energy. I guess these bathrooms will have to do, cause yesterday I took 3, and today I'm working on dump # 2.
Works ok. I've just been indexing and filing, so I'm not really sure what else to expect. All I know is, yesterday flew by, and today is sloooowwwwwwww.
Guh. I did these squats last night, and now my thighs are sore!
Danny to susancho78, Russ, Liz, me, Amanda, MercedesTaylor, David, Debra
show details Sep 14
Yes, and all my CDs, and envelopes. And zippers!
When we drive into El Paso we're totally gonna play that Old 97s song!
The plan now is LA, Disneyland, Vegas, Hoover dam, grand canyon, Sedona camping for two nights (and taking dumps at the vortex of feminine energy), then driving a long way to El Paso (just for sleeping), then Austin for two nights, New Orleans for two nights, savannah for two nights, Washington DC, then arriving at Dave's parents house! It's gonna be a long trip. Hopefully we don't break up!
Sent by magic
- Show quoted text -
Mercedes Taylor to Danny, susancho78, Russ, Liz, me, Amanda, David, Debra
show details Sep 14
Vortex of feminine energy dumps. Killin' it. I have to be at work until 8pm tonight. I shan't survive.
- Show quoted text -
--
Peace out
Amanda Huffman to me, Russ, to, Mercedes, Danny, Debra, David, Liz
show details Sep 17
Yeah, chili and soup sounds like BAD idea bottom jeans beans. I've had that happen once when I was running, but there was no where to go but the bushes (or the vortex of feminine energy in Sedona)! I had to cut the run short and go home. Maybe try something more carby?
- Show quoted text –
Danny to susancho78, Russ, Mercedes, Amanda, David, DebraHamilton, me, Liz
show details Oct 13
OMG Susan you're like Lindsay hitting on Steve Holt. "He thinks I'm cuuuu-uuuute".
Last night Dave and I BOTH had dreams about Emmylou Harris. Seriously. I think it's because Sedona is a vortex. Which, okay, we didn't find the ACTUAL vortex of feminine energy, but we did take HUGE dumps at a diner with a spaceship/alien theme. Incidentally, every time we have to poo, we just say "I'm feeling real feminine." Oh, and we went to Slide Rick state park, which has natural waterslides in this gorgeous river. So fun.
Also, last night I dreamt I had to poo really bad, but the only toilet was in the corner of this room full of people. They were all at tables, eating, I think. They didn't seem to notice me at first, but then I let out this real loud, long fart, and they all glared at me. Weird.
Sent by magic
- Show quoted text –
Danny Krueger to David, susancho78, Russ, me, Mercedes, Amanda, LizPfeffer, Debra
show details Nov 12
I want that album too! But I don't know how dropbox works. Make me one and send me the album.
Speaking of dropboxes, I have visited the vortex of feminine energy THREE TIMES already today. Must be all that Ethiopian food and BYOB.
- Show quoted text –
Danny Krueger to Russ, me, Liz, susancho78, David, Mercedes, Amanda, Debra
show details Nov 12
I told Dave about my excessive femininity today and he said that's probably why Ethiopians are so skinny.
TOO SOON!
You guys I just had a giant spinach salad and an apple, so I'm about to get real feminine AGAIN!
Ariel Davenport has a problem today. She can't stop being feminine!
- Show quoted text –
Amanda Huffman to David, Liz, Susan, Danny, Russ, me, Mercedes, Debra
show details Nov 12
Today has been intresting. We had cheese, cupcakes and champagne for an office celebration. I got a little tipsy and had a come to Jesus talk with one of my managers. Then she bought me a coffee and I had a 2nd vortex of feminine energy dump. I feel SO sushi.
- Show quoted text –
susancho78@gmail.com to David, Debra, Danny, Amanda, Liz, Russ, Mercedes, me
show details Oct 11
Oh. And bee tee dubs, yesterday as I was driving home from Erins house, I'm pretty sure they were filming Ryan Goslings movie on this one street I take to get home, and if I hadn't had to take such a big dump, I would have parked and loitered.
Speaking of which, I'm feeling a surge of feminine energy.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
susancho78@gmail.com to Russ, Amanda, Danny, me, Mercedes, Debra, David, Liz
show details Oct 15
Russ, sarcasm noted.
On a more serious note, some people have got a buncha feminine energy they want to get out, but know they're going to get walked in on. Dump screams!
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
susancho78@gmail.com to me, Russ, Debra, David, Mercedes, talkingtoliz, Danny, Amanda
show details Oct 15
Also. It just got rulllll feminine in the ladies room thanks to that bowl of chili and my santa fe style rice and beans lean cuisine lunch.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
And...we're done.
Feelin' Real Feminine:
A polite way of saying you'd like to use the restroom to have a little poop come out. Can be used regardless of gender or race. Based on the Vortex of Feminine Energy in Sedona, Arizona. A place everyone should visit.
No comments:
Post a Comment