Monday, January 31, 2011

The EFD Bonus: January 2011

Every time I go through the old email chains to gather contextual examples of our various sayings, I shake my head at the weird ass titles the Diverse Friendship Tribe comes up with to start the day off. So I've decided to make a record of said titles and include them as entries at the end of each month. Titles are listed below along with the start-off email for each day...your imagination can take care of where things went from there.  You might notice some days are missing...this is because we tend not to start new chains over the weekends, but also because, for some reason, we got away from our steadfast rule of starting a new chain each day. In fact, the first chain of the new year was actually started on December 30th, 2010. Old news! But I've included it anyhow. Our first resolution of 2011 has been to shape UP and get it together with this! So next month, you can expect 28 new and original email titles! By the way, this whole bonus entry is mainly just to emphasize how weird we are...and why you like us so much...well, more like how weird Susan is and why we like her so much, since she's really the one to honorably mention for giving it the old college try with starting up the new chain bang when the rest of us are being lazy. Enjoy!


DFT Email Chain Titles: January 2011







NYC is fun                                                                        
RS to Danny, Amanda, Mercedes, me, Debra, David, Susan, Liz
show details 12/30/10
Holy shit you guys.  Danny and I are really hung over and Dave isn't doing all that well either.  He just brought a bucket into the bedroom in case he pukes again.  Danny had to go to work which I could not imagine right now.  I did something to my left shoulder and can't really move my arm all that well today.  We had a lot of fun last night at a party where some really drunk guy came onto me and made me let him give me a blow job twice.

Yep. That's the one that started off the email chain that continued its way on into the newwwww year! And it gets better. 








Re: NYC is fun   








Debra Hamilton to susancho78, David, R, Liz, Mercedes, Amanda, me, Danny
show details Jan 1
Happy new year!!!

We're 2 hours ahead so it's wrapping up here.  I wish it were wrapping up faster because I need to sculpt my first poop luge of 2011 and this house is SMALL for 8 adults.

 I hope you guys are as smashed as I'd like to be right now!
- Show quoted text -











monday monday la LA la LA LA la                                                                        
erin shea to Susan, Mercedes, Amanda, Liz, Danny, David, R, debra
show details Jan 3
you guys, like george sr., i can't handle it. i am on a serious 5-day countdown and i don't even know if i can make it. i am just going to have to hide in a bay all week. this is really dumb for real.

If I start this chain will you take care of me for the rest of the day?                                                                         
Liz Pfeffer to me, Susan, Mercedes, Danny, David, R, Debra, Amanda
show details Jan 3
Happy first monday in 2011. I hope all the dft had fun ass chinese chicken noodle new years.
LA was too soon so I had to put a condom on my finger and act like a bitch about it.
It took us 11 hours to get home but that bullhorn helped a lot in the 101 parking lot.
How are you doing today R?

Bubs and do wop                                                                        
Debra Hamilton to Amanda, Mercedes, Susan, Danny, Liz, R, David, me
show details Jan 5
Oh hi DFT.

Carlos  fixed frijoles charros for (of all things) breakfast. Beans.
For breakfast. Not 'beans with something'. Just beans. For breakfast.

So i was sitting on the bed with the bedroom door open, both bubs
hanging out, singing the hansons song to zoe wriggling her legs around
because, you know, that's normal behavior in your mother in law's
house.

 i'm just going about my business (of singing terrible music to my
child topless) and then to liven up the do wop song, i paused and let
out an erin-wake-up-james-sized, R-room-clearing fart, even leaning
into it to let it out properly.

Then i look up to see carlos' (no sense of humor) brother quickly
walking away. I totally thought i was home alone. Nope.

i did nnnnahhht go down for dinner until he left.

How many days until Austin??

Oh. Also they celebrate día de los magos (3 kings' day) in México so
instead of taking pictures with santa, kids take them with the 3
kings. So just like santa, the 3 kings aré everywhere. And one of the
kings is always in black face. Seriously. It's nuts. Today i went to
buy a showerhead with Carlos and there were the 3 kings, all looking
like they walked straight out of a nativity scene, in the parking lot
of home depot, one in black face, all dancing to Mambo #5. Nuts.

Friday finally SCREAMS                                                                        
Susan Cho to Amanda, Danny, Mercedes, me, David, Debra, Liz, R
show details Jan 7
YAY. Its Friday.
Just some things:

a) I CANNNNNOT stop listening to Edward Sharpe this week. For real. I put the album on and listen to it on repeat all day.
b) I think I'm gonna get my hair cut, What should I do? Should I get a full bang cut? Or just get a hair trim?
c) That hip hop video Danny and Mark posted on fb is FUNNY AS SHIT. Hi, I'm Deena. Look at my feet. Ahh. Ahhhhh. I'm into points.
d) Last night my sister and I went to meet her friend Dan  (who knows Mordecai), at the new Miracle Mile Counter and after we ended up driving around that neighborhood looking for apartments!I got the numbers of 2 that are for lease, so I'm gonna have her call them today. I'm excited! A big girl apartment! With my own room! But then, my sister was saying she might ask for traders hours (6-3 or 7-4), and if she gets them, she might be more open to moving to like Silverlake cause traffic won't be as bad. So we'll see.
e) Hows errbody's week going? Are you all excited its Friday? Are you SF people meeting for drinks to try out R' new chairs? Should we just get a skype date made tonight?
f) I'm bored and hungry. SAD.
--
"Oh. They have the internet on computers now."

Monday window SCREAMS                                                                        
Susan Cho to Amanda, Danny, me, Mercedes, Liz, David, Debra, R
show details Jan 10
Ok. So if you haven't heard the scoop, my rental got broken in to on
Saturday night. Erins wallet got stolen (sad screams), and my window
got BUSTED the fuck out (last week was a really bad week to be my
car).
So I was all freaking out cause I wasn't sure if I should file a claim
or what. I decided not to cause my deductible is so high (500 bucks),
and found this glass place (kinda near where the car got broken in to)
on yelp with some good ass reviews. I went over this morning, and
initally when I called she quoted me 95 bucks, but when I came in, she
was like, "ohh. I thought you said 2002. It might cost more". So I'm
like, "ok. No big deal."
Then she quoted me $250, so I started sweating and looking on my phone
for a better deal.

Found a place in Sun Valley that said they'd do it for 165. So I
apologized to the girl (she's really nice), and told her I was taking
it to North Hollywood, and they matched the price!!! What?!?
Hulla nice. You'd better believe I'm gonna write a nice ass yelp review.

Other than that, had a pretty lazybones weekend. Erin and I went to
see Blue Valentine last night. It was good, I mean..yeah. It was OK. I
just wish there were more nudie pile on scenes with Ryan (particularly
him being the nudie pile on), but wharves.

Oh! And I had a dream I was visiting Danny and Dave in NY and I was
walking out of the airport to the subway, and Dave Derman walked out
cause he had been in CA too (and I think there was some implication
that he had been on my flight), but he had no luggage, and was wearing
this weird black t shirt with, you know that symbol for atoms, all
over it. And he had no luggage, and I kept trying to steer him down
into the subway, but he kept saying there wasn't going to be one for
another 10 minutes. Weird!
How was brunch? Danny, how's work? David, did your weekend get any
better than the apparent shit heap of a week you had? Debra, when are
you coming back?
Liz, stop ignoring us. Amanda, how was the move? Erin, how are you
enjoying funemployment?
Monday SCREAMS!!!

Bad news bears                                                                        
Susan Cho to Amanda, Danny, me, Mercedes, David, Debra, Liz, R
show details Jan 12
You guys, I was doing the logistics of a Truckee trip last night, and I don't think I can go. I can't afford any more days off for the next few months, and would have to drive straight up Friday night, and then back again Sunday. Boo. That would majorly suck. I mean, not as much as missing a family reunion in Truckee, but close enough.
Can we please plan another trip when I'm richer, and my sister is around so I can fly up and spend as much time with youse, and not have to drive over 10 hours each way?

Also: Weird dreams again last night. I dreamt that Debra sent me and Shaan Kirpalani and some other really random people an email about some mystery dinner theatre places she suggested we go to. I mean, there was differently more to the dream, but thats the only thing I remember.

Hmm. I've always wanted to do mystery dinner theatre, even if its expensive.
Maybe I'll treat myself for my birthday!

Also, also: I watched the Last Exorcism last night.  It was rull good and scary up till the end. Then it gets lame and kinda stupid..

--
"Oh. They have the internet on computers now."


Nugget                                                                        
RS to Amanda, Susan, Mercedes, me, David, Danny, Liz, Debra
show details Jan 14
It's FRIDAY.

This reminds me of when my therapist was at the same Hanukkah party that I went to.  



Totes Mcgotes OVER this day                                                                        
Susan Cho to Amanda, Danny, Mercedes, me, Debra, David, Liz, R
show details Jan 18 (13 days ago)
You guys. Its bad news bears that I've only been here an hour and am already checked the fuck out.

YAY. Debra, you're back! How was the trip? Is Z really big now? When does Carlos have to go back to work? When do you?
You guys should squeeze in an LA trip, OR come to NY when I go!
OR, I guess I could come back up again. I mean, I differently haven't seen Amanda or David in forever, so maybe a weekend in February.

OK. So now is the "Dream" portion of this email cause I had this epic ass dream this morning.

I dreamt that Shaan Kirpalani sent me this really cool email cause he'd done what Mike Hong did (ask for suggestions for new years resolutions), and in the email he'd said how all of his friends (presumably Lindsay and Dan and all those guys) had hacked into all of his accounts and set a video of puppies playing so whenever he'd turn on any of his devices, it would be a puppy rolling around and playing, and he was so inspired cause that was their new years resolution to inspire people and put themselves out there, so he wanted us both to go to an open mic stand up night and perform. THEN I was at my mom's church in the sunset, and I was close friends with my ex best friend Christina, and I went to this computer shop across the street cause they were selling donuts. So I bought a half eaten donut for a quarter, and I just sat down and they gave me a warm pbr, so I eat the donut and drink the beer, and it was part computer/tech repair/part yoga studio and they were also trying to become a donut shop. So I went outside to my friends and explained that their whole premise was that they wanted to just follow their dreams and do whatever they'd aspired to do (hence the yoga and donuts), and even though they knew the computers were the money maker, he didn't (the main owner) want to squash the dreams of the donut guy. Or the yoga guy. (It was 3 chinese guys).
THEN, I was in NY and everyone on the street was playing street wars (you know that game where you assassinate people with a water pistol), but isntead it was bean bags, and it was like dodgeball, so if you caught a bean bag you were still in play. )
So, I'm walking down Morgan avenue in Brooklyn (Erin, that strip of road near that hostel we stayed at), and I kept complaining about how heavy the computer I got at the donut store was heavy, and then my friends left, (the whole time, we're catching bean bags and throwing them at people), and then all of a sudden it was night, and all these black ladies started coming out of this church, and that one woman from The Wire (Avon's sister) was there and she was the woman who had raised me, so I was calling her mama and she was telling me I was her baby and that she was proud of me.

Phew. So weird you guys. That one was weird. I mean, I think the moral of the dream is that I'm not following my dreams. Or that I wish my mother were the woman from the Wire.

Oh, Erin, maybe we should take Chad to that beer place on Friday? Instead of the old crow? Or both? You guys. Chad is in town this weekend.

And Debra, when I read your response to my post this morning I thought, "YAY! Coctails" then I remembered. Oh wait, Debra is the cocktail.
--
"Oh. They have the internet on computers now."

Hot as hull                                                                        
Susan Cho to Amanda, Danny, Mercedes, me, Debra, David, R, Liz
show details Jan 20 (11 days ago)
You guys. New chain please...

OK, so have I ever told you about this woman Fannie Dumas? She is a frontierville friend I befriended cause I needed neighbors and she was friends with my ssiter on her alternate facebook account. So, you know, I always thought her name was an alias.
Turns out it isn't. And I've been kind of obssessed with her, because her picture is just of this dour ass looking woman.
She never smiles in any of her pictures and has a husband who is 16 years younger than her, and her teen daughter just had a kid.

So, she never used to update her fb, but lately its been all piss and vinegar. Check this shit out today.





grrr some people just know how to strick a nerve ... they need to grow the f*ck up!
23 minutes ago ·  · 

    • Patty Oldenberg Irby Sounds like you could use some growing up too. You are always leaving these partial angry messages, isn't there anything that makes you happy? I am sincere, not trying to be rude.
      6 minutes ago · 


OOOH SNAP Patty. I want to "like" her comment.


Heres a picture of her...


And I mean, obviously we wanted the full continuation of where this whole thing went, so here's another excerpt: 




Susan Cho to Amanda, Danny, Mercedes, me, Debra, David, R, Liz
show details Jan 20 (11 days ago)
Oh shit. Its ON.




grrr some people just know how to strick a nerve ... they need to grow the f*ck up!
26 minutes ago ·  · 

    • Patty Oldenberg Irby Sounds like you could use some growing up too. You are always leaving these partial angry messages, isn't there anything that makes you happy? I am sincere, not trying to be rude.
      9 minutes ago · 

    • Fannie Dumas my grand children always make me happy however since you seem to think i am always angry i would like to see how you would feel if you lived one day as me ,or for that matter how you would feel if like me ,trying to talk to your child on face book because shes not home and some one else jumps in and cusses you out
      6 minutes ago · 

    • Patty Oldenberg Irby Why don't you try to leave her a personal message on her Face book page, that way it can be between just the 2 of you. I am sorry, it does sound like people don't treat you with respect. I did not mean to cuss you out. Just stating a fact. Or do the IM (instant messages)
      3 minutes ago · 

    • Fannie Dumas shes on her phone and it does not do the im`s and you are not the one that cussed me out
      about a minute ago · 
--
"Oh. They have the internet on computers now."

RIM jobs                                                                        
Susan Cho to Amanda, Danny, Mercedes, me, David, Debra, R, Liz
show details Jan 24 (7 days ago)
Yeah guys. Where is errbody?
How was brunch? You shoulda seen the look on my face when I read that, I was JEALOUS.
I spent all day yesterday running errands and shit, but I did get some cute ass shit at Forever 21 and Old Navy. BUT, I had to spend my whole damn day in Santa Monica.
You guys. That town is WEIRD. Everyone who lives there is like in the weird Santa Monica cult, and the town is like Gattaca. Like, I was waiting for my sister to use the restroom in one of the parking structures, and we were basically facing this alley, and some guy's dog pooped on the street, and within 5 minutes a cleanup guy was there with a cloth towel to clean it up. CLOTH.

Then I went home and watched Buried (too SOON you guys, that movie is wayyyy too soon), and then Modern Family the rest of the night.

So, there is this part of the corporate legal department called RIM (records information management), and they are across the hall from us. So, we share a printer, and Richard or Steve will always ask if a print job is mine, and I keep wanting to say its a RIM job. Maybe I just will one day. But the fucked up thing about RIM is they always jam up our color printer with hella jobs. Complicated jobs. I hate it, and I can't even fucking use that printer anymore.


Happy sexy birthday Amanda! I wish we could all just be in a nudie ass pile on, drinking champagnes and not having to deal with RIM jobs all the time.

You guys. I want to see that Elmo movie and that Chaz Bono one. R, you should try to watch them while you're at Sundance.

Saturday night Erin and I went to see bone bone bone bone bone bone bone thugs. I mean...that shit was FUN. They are reall fun live, and even did a little Biggie/Easy E/Tupac dance party in the middle, where they invited up all the ladies onto stage to dance.
And you betta beleive they played a lot off E 1999 Eternal album, including, you guessed it...CROSSROADS! And I think Grape swishers were the only things sold in all of LA, cause errbody had a purple blunt.
I'm glad I didn't pass out and have to be carried out of the bar (like we saw one girl), or that I didnt' fall down in the street and have bouncers, police and sherriffs all over me, making sure I was breathing (like some GUY outside).

Oh, and I saw the Old 97's on Friday night, and they were good too and then I met Erin and company at some downtown bar which was fun and cute and I want to go back there. And the cute hipstery barback guy gave me a free midol! Erin, I want to go back to there soon.

Shit. I need to see if girltalk welp tickets are still available.
--
"Oh. They have the internet on computers now."






Lady Di

Susan Cho to Amanda, Danny, me, Mercedes, David, Debra, Liz, R
show details Jan 27 (4 days ago)
You guys. Its finally Thursday.

I'm tired and full from a huge thing of cereal I ate this morning, so I got nothing...Except this.
I was telling Erin about how once a long time ago, Anthony Edwards did this GREAT impersonation of Lady Diana on an old episode of SNL, and they've never shown it again, and so I started thinking about it this morning, and found this screenshot..



I want my frontierville to work on my work computer so I can build my chicken coop SCREAMS!

--
"Oh. They have the internet on computers now."

When did everyone stop new chaining?                                                                        
Susan Cho to Amanda, Danny, Mercedes, me, David, Debra, R, Liz
show details January 31 1:10 PM (5 hours ago)
Is that a thing now?
Welp, I need to start a new one every day.
Yes, I met "oh fuck, sorry, shit fuck, sorry" Lindsay. He was...interesting. Exactly how Erin has described him. Like, he seems super drunk and stoned, but he probably isn't. I mean, he defintely has done wayyyyy too many hard drugs in his life, and now his brain is addled. BUT, he did remember his whole work menu (he's a waiter at a restaurant I can't remember the name of) and rattled it off.
Other than that, this weekend was weird. I did things, but don't remember what they were. I feel like the whole weekend was the poster child of a forget me now ad.

But I do remember stopping off at that hotel to see Sean Erin,  (Sean King was in town, and staying at hotel near Erin's house), so I popped in for a beer, and then went home.
The $88 ticket I got for going to some weird party in fucking Studio City off Coldwater Canyon was NOT CUTE though.

Danny, I just bought my ticket. Did you get a copy of the itinerary?

--
"Oh. They have the internet on computers now."